Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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