I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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