This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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