Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
