Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
