my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
