my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
