I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
