I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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