I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We are all done wearing pants today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
