my soul wont recognize me after tonight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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