If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize