I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
