theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
