He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
