my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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