well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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