people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize