sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
