It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
