A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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