I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
