Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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