The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
