just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
