Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
