end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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