Small penises have feelings too.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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