im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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