my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
