just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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