There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
