Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
