I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize