The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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