so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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