bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
