I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
