I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
