How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
