my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize