No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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