I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
