i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
