I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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