I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
