hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
