I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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