how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
