here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize