im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
