I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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