Your face is a jimmy john
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's never too late to be topless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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