Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
