also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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