im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
