There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
People in love make me want to vomit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
