so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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