She's JV to your varsity
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
