i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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