he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize