I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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