I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
