thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
