You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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