I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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