He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
