so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
