You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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