Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
