I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
