Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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