why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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