Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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