He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
