ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
