yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
