Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there's paper in my vomit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize