Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
