I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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