just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize