the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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