I wish I only lived at night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
its liver damage thursday
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