I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize