You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
