they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think people are normalizing furries
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
