he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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