we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
