hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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