We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize