I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
