Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
