Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
