My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
