drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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