He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize