i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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