She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
