I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
