Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
