Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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