i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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