Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
