Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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