He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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