I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
