I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
