So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
