dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I will pee on everything he values.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize