You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
