Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
