im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
