The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
