you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
