clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
