You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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