when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
