he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize