so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
