There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
