My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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