Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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