Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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